Player Profiles

Ladies & Gents,

Big news is that we are still 4 points clear at the top of the table with only 2 games left so promotion has been clinched and one more victory and top spot in the league will also be ours. Onto Division 5 we go!

For all you people back home who may or may not be part of Skidmarks SA, I thought you might like to meet your overseas counter-parts. So here is a quick run down of our stalwarts....

May I introduce you to the playing staff of The Skidmarks UK!


Name: Iain Congdon
Nickname: Pedro / Zips / Jevan Malan
Position: All round Athlete - backbone of the team
Attributes: Looking good, Moaning, Bitching at the ref & abusing members of the opposing team – occasionally Cruyff turns & nutmegs keeper
Likes: Moaning, Bitching & abusing the other team
Dislikes: Lack of effort, pansy (girly) tackling
Aspirations: To win the golden ratio - or if possible see Luke lose
Why I came a Skidmark: To teach the Springboks how to play football
Skidmark SA player most similiar to: Mike "The Reason" Herb


Name: Luke Hatfield
Nickname: Ginja Ninja / God
Position: Coach / Manager / Star Player
Attributes: Organising the team on a weekly basis, trying to collect money for every game, using my large shoulders to carry the team on a weekly basis from victory to victory.
Likes: Scoring, winning the Golden Skidmark, Toe pokes, watching West Ham do a Leeds & get relegated, watching Gary "Fat Bum" Hatfield trying to do pirouettes and his "new trick"
Dislikes: The Golden Ratio
Aspirations: The win the Golden Skidmark, finish the league unbeaten and get promoted every year until Division 1....oh and watch Iain fail miserably in an attempt to win the Golden Ratio award he created so he could win something
Why I came a Skidmark: To carry on the legacy created many moons ago back home on African soil, the home of football...

Name: Paul Mulvey
Nickname: Penelope Pitstop
Position: Goalkeeper
Attributes: Major contributor for the team being good looking. Nice gloves and bright socks
Likes: Red carpet rolled out from my vespa to the pitch with rose petals thrown just before my every step.
Dislikes: Players pissing in my helmet if I let a goal in.
Aspirations: Getting Players Player award and Most travelled around Liverpool Street to Game Award. Also at end of season being held up on team mates shoulders and carried around Trafalgar Square while everyone chants 'Mulvey Mulvey'
Why I came a Skidmark: To fulfil my dream; Standing in a D shape for half an hour a week
Skidmark SA player most similiar to: Brendan "Mad Dogg" McNiven of course

Name: James Furniss
Nickname: Sheep Shagger / Bruce
Position: Striking defender
Attributes: Sets up the most goals in the team, actually stays in defense (well most of the time anyway)
Likes: Cold beer (not this warm English crap), listening to Waltzing Matilda at least once a day, getting away with dodgy tackles
Dislikes: Goalhangers (Gary/Luke), getting into a good shooting position only to completely miss the goal, astroturf burns
Aspirations: To one day be in possession of the Golden Skidmark or to kick 10 goals in one game then retire, so I win the Golden Ratio. (We can always dream...)
Why I came a Skidmark: To bring some Australian class to the team and to pay £ 7 to run around for 15 minutes or less
Skidmark SA player most similiar to: Our pet sheep mascot

Name: Benjamin "America...Fuck Yeah!" Goeltz
Nickname: USA USA
Position: Left Right Out
Attributes: best accent on team, hits the post more times than a mailman, and a strict believer that 1-goal-a-game is the perfect ratio (hence the frequency of hitting the post).
Likes: hearing opponents whine at no-calls, Mulvey's reverse-through-the-legs roll-outs, left foot likes hitting footballs as hard as it can.
Dislikes: any non-American accent - who taught them to speak American, anyways?
Aspirations: hitting both posts and the crossbar in a single attempt on goal...it's bound to happen at some point.
Why I came a Skid mark: To fulfill my dream; ridding the team of ear-damaging accents.
Skidmark SA player most similiar to: Bruce "The Matrix" Anderson

Name: Ted Cowan
Nickname: Stretch / El Spaniardo
Position: Defender
Attributes: Has chicken legs, runs around like a headless chicken but
doesn't chicken out of tackles. Is better looking than Paul Mulvey.
Likes: Salma Hayek and pre-baby/pre-marriage Jennifer Garner.
Oh right you meant football-body checking opponents off the ball in true
basketball style. Last ditch tackles that make me look heroic. Laughing at
Iain when he loses his rag., Making rubbish back passes to Mulves that the
opposition intercept 'cos he has to get some practise sometime.
Dislikes: Shooting. Defending with Gary. Trying to control a football. Running while trying to control a football. Then doing all of the above, but using my
right foot. Gary taking the ball off my toes when I'm about to shoot.It's
understandable but it still pisses me off.
Aspirations: To shag Salma Hayek and the pre-baby/pre-marriage Jennifer Garner.
Preferably together. To be able to rediscover my long lost footballing skills. To smash the dirty
team we played a few weeks ago (we won that one in case you're wondering).
To score a few more goals this season. To get Luke "Evil Eye" Hatfield to
smile during a game.Oh yeah, and Iain "Mad Dog" Congdon too. To see Mulves
play out of goal for a while.
Why I became a Skidmark: I've been doing skidmarks for so many years I
thought I should find out what it's like to be one.
Skidmark SA player most similiar to: Peter "The Old Guy" Dunias

Name: Gary "Goal Hanger" Hatfield
Position: Supa Strika
Nickname : Fat Bum / Blagger / Blaggsville / The Incredible Blag
Attributes: Worst tackler in team, speed of a cat, reflexes of a mongoose, a step over thats quicker than one of Teds relationships.
Likes: Cynical tackles on opponents, shouting at refs, scoring goals.
Dislikes: Defending, Iains questionable subbing techniques, late kick-offs.
Aspirations: To win the treble : the golden skidmark, the golden ratio, and the league trophy.
Why I came a Skid mark: Saw it as my chance to make a difference in the world, I did it for the fans, plus I thought the fame would make me desirable to women, but alas . . .

Rob "Chopper" Bridgens was not available for comment....

London Blog is falling down

Its been a long time....shouldn't' a left you!

But we're back....from outer space!

Yes ladies and gentlement without much further adieu....i introduce to you a new era of Skidmarks blog!

9 weeks ago The Skidmarks UK was born, and with so much tradition to live up to, the pressure was enormous, and the question remained, could this new breed of Skidmark live up to the current legacy which is The Skidmarks. Well read for yourself and you be the judge.

So 9 games into the season, 8 victories, 1 draw, 59 goals scored, 12 conceded, current league position, first. That record speaks for itself really, yes we may have started in the bottom of the 6 divisions that form Powerleague - London City. But we decided to start at the bottom and climb the leagues quicker than one of Garys stepovers!

Please see below a copy of the current league table as well as the Golden Skidmark standings, also included for your viewing pleasure is the current Skidmarks SA league table and a match report by our very own Iain "Master of the Cruyff turn" Congdon, which is not at all subjective or biased. As well as his contribution to the match report he has decided to introduce something called "The Golden Ratio", which is a goals per game calculation, this is due to the fact that he was labelled sicknote at the beginning of the season and missed a couple games. Still God loves a trier.

I have just been informed by top defender, Ted "mishit" Cowan, and scorer of as many goals as Peter "Can't shoot" Dunias that he has written a season summary thus far, so watch this space.

Golden Skidmark

1) Gary "Spanky G" Hatfield - 17
2) Luke "Ginja Ninja" Hatfield - 16
3) Iain "Sicknote" Congdon - 13
4) Ben "The Yank" Goeltz - 7
5) James "Sheep shagger" Furniss - 4
6) Edward "Like the Greek" Cowan - 1
7) Joe "Gooner" Healey - 1

A short introduction as possibly a picture of the current team will also be posted shortly so who know you are reading about.

Alright, time for me to bid you farewell and hope you have enjoyed the return of The Skidmarks Blog. I will now pass you onto Iain "He's no Roald Dahl" Congdon, for last weeks match report.

"

The Skidmarks vs Nightingale House – March 1st

“The Story of the Freekick”

Result : 8 – 1

Confidence was high amongst our team of footballing heroes for the latest instalment of their relentless pursuit towards the league title and the impending fame & glory that it carries with it (drink, drugs, girls, sex, the downward spiral of a kiss & tell and then the dizzy highs of celebrity love island).

The match started slowly with your Heroes on the backfoot having to resort to tactics dirtier than a Ron Jeremy movie and as entertaining as a Vin Diesel comedy (think the ‘Pacifer’ people – it wasn’t pretty). After some crucial/blatant fouls from Rob ‘chopper’ (& not in the sexual way) Bridgens & some less obvious fouls from James ‘what me ref, I never touched him’ Furniss, The Skidmarks started to gel and Gary ‘the predator’ or ‘goalhanger – I’m never seen in my own half’ Hatfield broke the deadlock with a sweet right foot strike.

This proved to galvanise the opposing team and some more scrappy football and staunch defence from The Skidmarks kept the score at 1-0, special mention has to go to our main man Paul “The Cat“ Mulvey in the sticks who its fair to say made a number of special saves (and I’m not talking ‘needs’) to maintain the goal advantage. And then it happened, a moment of magic that changed the whole complex and outlook of the game….

….think the swerve & bend of Roberto Carlos, think the power of John Arne Riise, think the accuracy of David Beckham, think the footballing brain of Ryan Giggs, think F*CKING BRILLIANT….

….and you’ll come close to all the attributes that were on show when Iain “unstoppable” Congdon stepped up and power placed a freekick into the top right hand corner of the net (keeper got a small touch but we’ll gloss over that). Its fair to say that the crowd literally gasped in amazement at the skill on show before breaking out in a crescendo of noise and chants of “Whoaaaaa Iain Congdon, I wana know ohhhhhh, how you scored that goal, whoaaaaaaa Iain Congdon I wana know ohhhhhh, how you scored that goal”.

Anyway moving on (I don’t want to harp on about the “freekick of the century” quote, Luke Hatfield, 01-03-2007, 9pm), the game restarted with a complete new outlook & The Skidmarks well on top. As the dynamic attack fronted by Gary “Goalhanger” Hatfield poured forward, numerous chances were created and spurned and halftime arrived with the score remaining 2-0.

Halftime involved the usual detailed tactical talks & motivational speeches from our leader Luke “Churchill (not the nodding dog)’” Hatfield and the team went out psyched up for the 2nd half. It should be noted that the opposing team could be heard spelling out their tactics for the 2nd half, which wholly involved kicking the crap out of The Skidmarks – the difference in class couldn’t have been more obvious.

The Skidmarks started the 2nd half as they finished the 1st and were soon ahead thanks to a captain’s goal from Luke “mardy bum(google it)” Hatfield, showing all the skill of Ronaldinho to slot the ball through the keepers legs and then all the sulkiness of Nicolas Anelka in his brooding celebration.

The match then continued in the similar vein with the free flowing football of The Skidmarks proving to hot for The Nightingales to handle – for those wanting a visual of the heat on show, think Denise Richards & Neve Campbell in Wild Things – you know what I’m talking about. Particular mentions should go to Ben “I’m out of the Golden Skidmark” Goeltz for some beautiful touches and instinct passes in the build up to many of The Skidmarks best moves, James “You flaming Galah” Furniss and Rob “The Wall” Bridgens for some inspired defence.

The fourth goal soon followed thanks to a move encompassing most members of the team, and finished thanks to an instinctive left foot strike in the corner from Iain “freekicks” Congdon. Soon after the hat-trick was completed with a cheeky nut-megged finish of the keeper and the match ball was his – or so he thought but this game had more twists & turns than a greased up bunch of Swedish women volleyball players on a twister board.

The goals were starting to flow now and the captain Hatfield chipped in with another beauty a sweet right foot strike, the boy knows the way to the back of the net. Then came something special, unexpected some might say but not to your author, as he’s recognised this boys dribbling skills in action before- although strangely only when fit girls talk to him and the saliva runs down his chin, but hey its all the same thing. James “Messi” Furniss picked the ball up in his own half and proceeded to beat 1 man, then 2 and then held off the challenge of a 3rd before coolly slotting the ball with his left foot Zidane style into the bottom right corner of the goal – its fair to say not all remember the goal that way but I prefer to edit out the bobbling shot at the end.

However The Skidmarks were starting to tire and some relentless pressure from the Nightingales finally led to a goal thanks to Paul “Moped” Mulvey fumbling more than a 35 year old virgin in a brothel and dropping the ball into his own net to make the score 7-1. In between that Paul “the cat” Mulvey made numerous top draw saves including 1 showing off all the flexibility of Jenna Jameson in………and I digress.

Then the twist in the tail, as Iain “hat-trick” Congdon had 2 hands on the match ball, Luke “the gaffer” Hatfield picked up a long ball from Paul “Penelope Pitstop” Mulvey and poked the ball through the advancing keepers legs to complete his hat-trick and share the match ball, capping a momentous 8-1 win.

Special shout outs go to those fans who stayed behind to serenade the team off to the tune of “Could It be Magic” – your author couldn’t think of a more fitting finale to a game.

By Iain Congdon

The Golden Ratio (goals per game)-doesn't count for anything except Iain's pride - Ginja Ninja

Gary – 1.89
Iain – 1.86
Luke – 1.78 (unlucky 3rd)
Ben – 1.14
Joe – 0.5
Ted – 0.13
James – 0.67
Mulvey – 0 (He’s a keeper)
Rob – 0 Nevermind!!

"

I still haven't found what i am blogging for

Hello all u blog readers out there!

Well a few weeks have passed since the last post and a mixed bag of results for the Mighty Skidmarks!

First we started out with a loss to arch rivals Euro Utd in a titanic battle which finished 3-2 to the Euro. It was apparently a pretty flat performace by us but came from form 3 down to try snatch a result like a pickpocket at Cresta. The goalscorers on the night were Mike "Meoooooowwww ....... ggggwwwwaaatooossssh(pussy-whipped)" Lyndon and Bruce "My prodigy" Andersen. Apologies to Brendan's winky which apparently suffered an outrageous stamp by the opposing team, i am sure he will be getting his own back next season.

And then last week we returned to winning ways with an unconvincing 4-3 win over Ryan...he must have improved on his fitness since last season....

Unlike a certain Mr Benitez...we managed to field the same team for 3 weeks in a row which was as follows :

Peri “WE BEAT CHELSEA" Zourides
Dom “no goals in 4 games” Albrecht
Bruce “I used all my tricks last week” Andersen
Ulindi “3-0” Makahya
Mike ”buy a watch" Lyndon
Brendan ”blue balls”McNiven
Peter ”im not that old” Dunias

The big news of this game....well i will let Peri "The Editor" Zourides tell you :

I'll take you back in time. to a place far far away... over the course of our The Skidmark legacy we’ve had many goal scorers, the ginga ninja, fat bum, the matrix, MTN, the reason, all skidmarks legends who have written their names in goalscoring history, even a certain slick got his name on the score card.

There has though been 1 name absent from that list, a certain keeper who with his Mo Hawk and tattoo...who always managed to pull off a sublime save here or there and then on the odd occasion let 1 slip in near post. His heroics have saved us on occasion and with his lightning burst of pace he’s set up some of our great scorers but alas never been able to put his name on the sheet coming close on occasions but never finishing, until last weekthat is."

WELL DONE B DOGG!!!! ABOUT BLADDY TIME TOO!!!!

The other goalscorers were Dom(2) and Bruce!

That puts the Golden Skidmark standings like this :

1. Bruce "Told you he would win the Golden Skidmark" Andersen - 7
2. Dom "Scarface" Albrecht - 4
3. Richard "Zeus" Kenny - 2
4. Brendan "Drogba" McNiven
5. Luke "Do my goals from the UK count?" Hatfield - 1
6. Peri "Roald Dahl" Zourides - 1
7. Ulundi "Ronaldinho/vice - captain" Makhanya -1
8. Mike "Meow" Lyndon

Not a great goalscoring return this year....Bruce seems to have it in the bag but we have all seem Dom score 4/5 in a game before so Bruce if i was you i would bring down some pretty girls in lederhousens to distract him.

Thats the Skidmarks news for now....i will be posting some pics from the UK up a little later!

Keep it real and brown!

Ginja Ninja

RESULT : Skidmarks 5-2 Screaming Weasels

Hey Ladies & Girls,

What do you know, another victory for the Mighty Mighty Skidmarks!!! and against a normally tought opposition. Please see match report below as submitted by Peri "Wilbur Smith" Zourides, I will post some England news & pictures at the end.

"Well another successful game without the “step over” and the “nipple ring”. 5 – 2 over Screaming weasels.

Dom and I were abit worried about possibly not making numbers for the game but thankfully the old skidmark faithful pulled it thru for us.

Team as follows:

Dom” my chest is bigger than yours” Albrecht
Peri “I took my dump at home” Zourides
Mike “I’m still with my girlfriend” Lyndon
Bruce “Around the keeper” Andersen
Ulundi “I go to work in slops” Makhanya
Peter “my gold chain is heavy” Denias
Brendan “got sunburnt on my off day” McNiven

Our first half performance was probably the best half of footy we’ve played (ever). Fluid movement, crisp passing, quick 1 – 2’s, good defending and no fighting.

Things were started off with what can only be described as either sublime skill or pure luck that the moon was in the correct alignment with mars, venus and Lundi’s Uranus. With the ball at his feet on the edge of the area, lundi shimmied abit, shaked abit and then proceed to curl the ball around his defender, past the keeper and into the top left corner. Ala Ronaldinho vs Chelsea, Stamford Bridge.

(editors note) in the second half yours truly maneuvered out of the corner and deftly lobbed the ball over a defenders head bouncing just right for lundi to volley home another skidmark goal. He blasted over the net. Hence the reasoning for the 1st goal and the alignment of the planets.

Back to the action at hand.

In summary Bruce “the matrix” Andersen finished off them weasels almost single handedly, scoring 3 before half time to make it 4 -0 to skidmarks at the break and then adding his 4th to complete the victory.

Some Matrix highlights:

With a touch that Theirry Henry would be proud of the Greek lays the ball off to Bruce to hammer low and hard for our 2nd goal.
After receiving a free kick for a foul on the baby rhino, matrix steps up to pile drive a free kick into the top right hand corner. (2nd editors note: Dom’s participation in this move should not be under estimated as his sheer presence was enough to distract the defending teams players into not even looking at Bruce, who fired the ball within millimeters of doms face, possibly scraping his ear)
After dispossessing a weasel Bruce was set free and 1 on 1 with the keeper rounded him like a lesbian avoiding Brad Pitt
Cant remember exactly the build up to the final goal, but once again the deft touch of the Greek (or a completely scuffed shot), setup Bruce for his 4th our final goal.

The weasel’s goals were both fortuitous.

Goal 1 bounced of Brendan’s shoulder, hit the under side of the post and the cross bar, suspiciously landed on or near the line and was awarded.

Not sure how the ref managed to see that cause I was closer than him and didn’t see it. Think he felt abit sorry cause we were all over them, either that or its because he shaves his legs.

Goal 2: ball was lofted into our area and with Brendan advancing out of his goal, one of them weasels flicked his heel at the ball with his back to goal and it trickled over the line.

Our score could have been increases after we were awarded a penalty (“ref how is that a penalty?” said the man lying on floor after using his hands to push it away)

Well yours truly stepped up only to have bar/post halt his skidmark goal glory. Upon closer inspection the framework was still rattling at the end of the game due to the sheer velocity of the strike, maybe next week.

So things looking good, some tough games coming up but hopefully we can continue the good form.

Until next week, or whenever I get some more porn."

Golden Skidmarks stands like this @ present :

1. Bruce "Told you he would win the Golden Skidmark" Andersen - 5
2. Dom "Scarface" Albrecht - 2
3. Richard "Zeus" Kenny - 2
4. Luke "There's only 1 Ginja Ninja" Hatfield - 1
5. Peri "Roald Dahl" Zourides - 1
6. Ulundi "Ronaldinho/vice - captain" Makhanya

Well i started my job yesterday, so i was only unemployed in the UK for 6 days which is OK, and my rands are starting to run as dry as Garys sense of humour.....

This weekend saw us visiting our dear Grandmama in the thriving metropolis that is Halifax!

We managed to find a "Cane Train" to ride on, its name was Ivor, see pics below...choo chooo :




Hope you enjoyed those, we managed to get our first bit of footy under our belts since we got here, tonight. We practiced with a team called Lancing Old Boys Football Club and should hopefully be turning out for them in a match on Saturday, will keep you informed. The worst bit is.....wait for it...their captain "Billy" is a ginger.....and his friggin' nickname - which i add was on his shirt - is Ginja Ninja, spelt the same and everything...I can't believe that people in England have heard of me? I was really flabbergasted, i even asked him if he read about me on the blog and he looked at me all weird? So he must have just heard about me through word of mouth....

RESULT : Skidmarks 6-3 Ryan

Okie Dokie then, this is Ginj Ninj here....and with me being in the land of the pasty....yes i am pasty too i know that....they didn't even need to check my passport when i got here, they saw the white skin and the ginger and said "Welcome home", then i fell to my knees and kissed the floor...it was a beautiful moment!

Anyway as i was saying, Skidmarks played there first game under the new joint management regime of Dom "Watch out for that massive Peri" Albrecht and Peri "Some joke about poo" Zourides and am glad to say they got off to a successful start! well done boys! Please see the match report courtesy of Peri below :

"Morning housefields, so albeit for me to take over the blog responsibilities you’ll be pleased to know that the joint management venture of Dom and Peri as care taker managers/players of the Skidmarks, we got off to a winning start.

Ryan weren’t the greatest team but a wins a win. As expected everyone ventured forward leaving me at the back like a young school child at after care waiting for their parents. We fell behind 2-0 after lost possession on each occasion cost us, but we fought back with 2 goals in 2 min to level things up. Just before halftime fell 3-2.

2nd half was much better as ppl realized their roles and helped out on defence, we equalized with what may have been the most fortuities goal of the season or the most skilled. Richard “I took a dump before the game” Kenny burst into the area firing a shot that bounced off the wall/post only to have it rebound head height and Richard to acrobatically header home. If he tried it 100 times he may score it again twice ,if the bounce is right. So 3-3 and there after it was pretty easy, final score was 6-3 as they started tired and gave the ball away.

Brendan came the closest to scoring I think he ever has, breaking the length of the field only to have the post stop his glory, he did setup 1 of the goals though leaving his area and setting up Dom if I remember correctly.

My pursuit of the golden skidmark also got off to a start with me dispossessing a defender and firing low and hard for our 6th goal. (Peri, u only mention 3 goals in the blog post? what about every1 else....amateurs...tut tut - Ginja)

So we survived our first game without fat bum and ginja, the Greek took over the role of the slow step over from Gary, Bruce took over the “ill run into the corner and shoot every time role” from luke.

Oh and in true skidmarks fashion here is the team sheet:

Brendan “watch your step coussie” Mcniven
Peter”I should pay half cause im unfit” Denias
Ulundi “I still don’t have my own shirt” Makhanya
Dom “peri has a hard head” Albrecht
Peri “I took a dump at home” Zourides
Richard “how did I score that header” Kenny
Bruce “I can clean your pool” Andersen

Absent from the game was:

Mike “dom, listen I know its late but I have to break up with my girlfriend tonight” Lyndon

By the way Mmbambo have been dropped, my friend Nuno who runs the venue is entering a team in their place so we going to play 1 extra game at the end of the season to make up for the lost one.

Well gotta head back to work, im sure u guys are doing your best not embarrass South Africans anymore, luke keep your shirt for the first few months.

Oh by the way dom loved his plastic flower, said he was going to hang it out his window, brendan was excited in a odd way to get that horse slapper thing, greek kept trying to spank him with it so maybe there’s a sub plot there."

Thanks Peri, not too bad if i do say so myself, i did some research and found out the other goalscorers and thus, here is the Golden Skidmark standings :

1. Dom "Scarface" Albrecht - 2
2. Richard "How the f#ck can he be joint top G.S" Kenny - 2
3. Luke "Need a game of footie " Hatfield - 1
4. Peri "Wilbur Smith" Zourides - 1
5. Bruce "My pick for G.S" Andersen - 1

So thats all the Skidmarks news for now, as for Gary and I, well its lovely and overcast here as usual, Gary is working now, me I am just chilling for the moment, weighing up my options but should be startin something in the next week or so. Haven't managed to organise a game of football yet but am making a plan :) Here's a pic from the balcony of my sisters flat this morning.



Went to see this comedian Russel Peters on Sunday night, we were part of the 2% of white people there.....charo's making up the balance! check out a clip of his below!
Russel Peters

Check you on the flipside

In the middle of the night....i go walking in my blog...

Hello everyone! Unfortunately this will be the last Skidmarks related post for awhile as The Ginja Ninja has officially played his last game for the Skidmarks (but has not ruled out a return in the distant future). The Skidmarks have been taken over by a massive German consortium called The Baby Rhino Corporation and it believed that as the Germans have no sense of humour, the blog shall not be continued. I will try re-use the blog to keep to posted about the news from the brothers Hatfield in the town of London. As you know Gary has been there for a month nearly including 10 days in Tenerife, please see pictures below....

The Skidmarks did enter a pre-season tournament before the season officially began....we performed rather well qualifying for the last 16 by winning 2 games and drawing 1. Ginja Ninja getting 2 goals and Mike "The Doctor" Gerrard the other one...unfortunately Barney was injured 5 minutes into the 1st game and could no longer take part in the tournament. Even though he told us he would be back as soon as he got some stitches....see pic below...

We were knocked out 1-0 in the last 16,rather unluckily if i do say so myself. However it was a good warm-up for our season.

RESULT : THE MIGHTY SKIDMARKS 1 -1 il forca

We were pitted against old time rivals Il Forca aka Moaning little porra's in our first game...it was a tight game which finished 1-1. There was a lot of niggly tackles by the porra's which resultes in 3 sin bins for them, we however could not punish them for their indiscretions, Luke "Ginja Ninja" Hatfield got the goal with a penalty (toe poked i might add)

This weeks game was unfortunately called off due to Mbambo being a bunch a scared little girls, we did play a friendly against Euro Utd, beating them 13-1 with goals from Dom "Baby Rhino" Albrecht(4),Ginja Ninja (3),Bruce "Singles" Andersen(3),Mike "Middlesborugh" Lyndon (1),1 X Own goals....and yes u NEVER guessed it Peter "Pele" Dunias getting his second goal in the colours of the Skidmarks (Red & White are the colour by the way).

I would say "he couldn't miss" after Dom squared him the ball and he was half a metre out with an open goal....but he has done it before....and to round it off it was the opening goal of the game...well done Greek!

Next weeks fixture is vs Ryan at 18:30....Dom will be organising the team from now on....good luck and always remember, keep it real, keep it brown!

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Blog!

It been awhile…but I am still here…I just took a 2 week sabbatical to see the reaction, from you the readers. And the reaction was “numerous” complaints of a lack of blog!

So the Skidmarks season has ended for another 9 weeks and all in all it wasn’t our most successful season but we managed a healthy 4th place in the end. Below is the final league table excluding the last game.



Our last 2 results of the season were as follows :

Skidmarks 4 – 0 Euro Utd

One of our better, more solid performances of the season saw us keep our first cleansheet in a long while as we as push aside a decent Euro Utd team. After my gloating last week of no-one else taking up the scoring mantle this year apart from I, The Ginja Ninja, Dom “Moaninho” Albrecht and Gary “Days of our Lives” Hatfield rose to the challenge, with Gary sealing a neat hat trick and Dom slotting home the other goal. My memory isn’t as good as it used to be so no lovely, creative descriptions this time round but there will be more to come.

Skidmarks 3 – 4 Village Idiots

Our last game of the season saw us pitted against arch rivals Village Idiots who had won 8 out of 8 games so far in the season and we also had to field a slightly weakened side of only 6 players, missing Bruce “” Andersen, Mike “Wunderkind” Herb and our inspirational, spectacular, hard working, masterful and ridiculously good looking leader The Ginja Ninja who was representing the *NGA in Cape Town for a couple days.

From what I hear it was another good overall team performance and we were unlucky not to take something from the game. The goalscorers were Adam ”Mini-me” Humphreys, Peri “Toe Poke-her” Zourides and Gary “Bold and the beautiful” Hatfield.

* National Ginger Association

All this means the Golden Skidmark had a record number of 12 different goalscorers for the season and ends up looking like this :

GOLDEN SKIDMARK STANDINGS
1) Luke "Bionic Man" Hatfield - 11
2) Gary "No-one remembers 2nd place" Hatfield - 9
3) Dom "Ballack is DIRTY" Albrecht - 5
4) Peri "P" Zourides - 3
5) Ulundi "Stevie G" Makhanya -2
6) Peter "That old guy" Dunias - 1
7) Bruce "The Matrix" Andersen - 1
8) Ricky "Daddy" Arnold - 1
9) Rhys "The Lawnmower" Davies -1
10)Richard "Cutting Shapes" Kenny - 1
11)Mike "The Ultimate Man" Herb - 1
12)Adam "Mini-Me" Humphreys - 1

Whats that I hear ??? Speech you say ….. ok then

It what was to be my swansong season as a Skidmarks player, I would just like to thank my parents for always supporting me in my decision to become a Skidmark, for giving me the confidence to toe poke the ball without hesitation or fear. I would like to thank my team mates for not being able to outscore me, without them I wouldn’t be typing here, and lastly….the fans…..to the many fans who come watch us week in and week out and to all the fan mail and comments I receive….I thank you.!

Thanks all for voting in our first ever online dance off, the results are as below although I do suspect something fishy around the number of votes received for “The Can Can”….but we’ll let it slide. Well done to Quentin who is the creature featured in the winning clip "The Robot/Worm/Running Man". The good news is “The Dance Off 2 : Savannah Nights” will be coming soon, featuring Mike “Ryk en Lekker” Sarakis and non other than our own part timer “Richard “Saliva” Kenny!



If you have entered the Champions League fantasy game @ http://en.uclfantasy.uefa.com/M/home.mc , our Skidmarks League code is : 67009-11668

The Skidmarks will be competing in their first ever World Cup on Saturday 30 September, any support would be appreciated, times will be confirmed closer to the time, players who have confirmed so far are :

1) Luke “Me” Hatfield
2) Peri “Twinkle Toes” Zourides
3) Bruce “Neo” Andersen
4) Peter “Slick” Dunias
5) ?
6) ?
7) ?
8) ?

That leaves us with a few open spaces still but I will be in contact in the near future, there may even be a special appearance on the day by Sean “The Pygmy” Riscowitz!

For those of you who don’t read the tabloids, Gary is now officially a British citizen, he left last week, I will be joining him in London on 14 October!

Keep it real, keep it brown!

RESULT : Skidmarks 5 - 3 Mbambo Team

Good Day All!

Another fine performance by the mighty Skidmarks last night saw us stride to a hard-earned 5-3 victory over rivals Mbambo. We have been known to crush them like wuuurms in the past but they have rejuvenated their team with some new signings and were a much tougher prospect than previous years.

We went 1-0 down early one but didn't let our heads drop and came back to 1-1 when Dom "I have a large chest" Albrecht, seemingly trapped in the corner heard Luke "Spurs r shite" Hatfield called for the ball near post, The Baby Rhino obliged with a clever ball of the wall which The Ginja Ninja scruffed through the keepers legs. We took the lead shortly after when The Ginja Ninja played a neat ball across the face of goal for Dom "I can like tap ins" Albrecht to tap in the net. This lead was short lived as Mbambo fought back to 2-2 with some naive defending and with Peter "I scored one goal and think i am a striker" Dunias running around like a headless chicken up front we were a little exposed. However, Gary "Grandpa Featherbottom" Hatfield played possibly the ball of the season (Peri "Ronalidinho" Zourides had last seasons best ball), off the wall, behind the defence straight into Mike "Wunderkind" Herb's path, for him to smash home on his return to the team and to cap our 11th goalscorer of the season....truly a good team effort!

Into the second half, 3-2 up and Dom "The Baby Rhino" Albrecht played a cheeky, sublime ball to the feet or Ulundi "Mike Tyson" Makhanya who sometime shimmied and shaked his way into a shoioting position, and shoot he did....4-2! Mbambo managed to pull one goal back but with them pushing forward for the equaliser, we were able to break, with the Hatfield brothers bearing down on the Mbambo goalkeeper, all he could do was try not to make a poo in his pants, and even though Gary "Fat Bum" Hatfield sold him a little short, The Ginja Ninja was able to get in the way of the ball to claim his 2nd goal and make the scoreline 5-3. There was a little later drama when Peri "P" Zourides handled in the box but Brendan "B Dogg" McNiven tipped the ball onto the cross bar from the resulting penalty.

And Dom, don't think we forgot about that awful "chest down" of yours, we will have words with you next week!

The team last night was :

1) Gary "My thumbs sore" Hatfield
2) Luke "Ginja Ninja" Hatfield
3) Ulundi "Stevie G" Makhanya
4) Mike "Wunderkind" Herb
5) Brendan "Jack Daniels" McNiven
6) Peter "The Hairy Greek" Dunias
7) Peri "P" Zourides
8) Dom "The Chest" Albrecht

GOLDEN SKIDMARK STANDINGS

1) Luke "It's mine, it's all mine" Hatfield - 11
2) Gary "The Canoeing Carguard" Hatfield - 5
3) Dom "Ballack is crap" Albrecht - 4
4) Peri "P" Zourides - 2
5) Ulundi "Stevie G" Makhanya -2
6) Peter "Coming out of retirement" Dunias - 1
7) Bruce "The Matrix" Andersen - 1
8) Ricky "Daddy" Arnold - 1
9) Rhys "The Lawnmower" Davies -1
10)Richard "Fred" Kenny - 1
11)Mike "The Ultimate Man" Herb - 1

Here is the league table, NOT including last nights game :



Thanks for the votes on the dance off! Here are the standings thus far :

Congrats to Ricky "Daddy" Arnold who has a mini-Arnold on the way!!!

For those of you who don't know Gary "Spanky G" Hatfield and Luke "Ginja Ninja" Hatfield will be relocating to spread the gospel that is the Hatfields throughout the British Isles and the rest of Europe. Gary is going on 12 September and myself on 14 October, so if you are in the UK in the near future pop us a mail on lahatfield@gmail.com or garyhatfield@gmail.com .

We will be having a joint farewell on Saturday 9 September....so watch this space and keept that night open.

Thats all for now, will have more on the way soon!

Online Dance Off

Ok well before i get to the matter @ hand, Mondays game is @ 20:45 vs Mbambo incase any of our 3 supporters wish to come down and support us, but moving along to why we are all here.

Over the past couple weeks i have been collecting various clips of dance moves from around the country, i have narrowed it down to a final 6! and this is where i need u, the discerning reader to vote for you favorite dancemove...thank you very much!

I apologise for some clips being sideways and the message that appears briefly on the clips, i am working on that!

a) The Canoe
b) The Crazy Zombie
c) The Robot / Worm / Running Man
d) The Carguard
e) The Group Can Can
f) The i have no name dance
g) The Public Worm

RESULT : Skidmarks 8 - 1 Pixel Fusion

AND WE ARE BACK!!!!!!!

Finally a good result and a good team performance all round....yes Fred, round is a shape too :)

A couple late cancellations, i won't mention any names though Peter "I scored 1 goal & now am retired" Dunias and Bruce "Mr Reliable" Andersen!!! But we managed to scrounge together an extra player in the form on Richard "Zeus" Kenny and managed to take the number of individual goalscorers this year to 10. Good to see we have learnt to share....well i haven't but i guess Dom "Current Golden Skidmark" Albrecht & Gary "I think i can toe poke" Hatfield have decided to. Well done guys.

So back to the game, starting team for the night was :

1) Gary "Tighty Whities" Hatfield - 1 goal
2) Luke "Tanga's" Hatfield - 2 goals
3) Richard "Zeus" Kenny - 1 cracker of a goal
4) Peri "" Zourides - 1 goal
5) Brendan "" McNiven
6) Dom "" Albrecht - 2 goals
7) Ulundi "" Makhanya - 1 goal

I seemed to miss most of the goals on Monday night so here are the views of the prosepective players, from their mouths/keyboards....i cannot guarantee an objective view like when i describe my own goals...which is very often!

Dom "Empty Net" Albrecht

"My first goal - lundi got the ball in the corner, slipped a gentle pass inside to fred who expertly chipped the onrushing keeper for me to tap into an empty net.

The second i caught the keeper in midfield and made him look a bit silly before sliding the ball into another empty net."

Richard "I played 90 minutes" Kenny

"A speculative long ball was played out the back, which the defence failed to deal with.
The Baby Rhino took the ball to the corner and layed in back into my path.
, i thumped it into the top corner, rumour has it that the earths rotation was altered by one second as the ball hit the back of the net"

Peri "2 versions" Zourides

"My version:

After displacing a helpless striker in our half I played a neat 1 – 2 with Lundi and then proceeded to shimmy, shake and shibobo my way thru the opposing defence after which I played a sublime ball to Gary “throw my foot at the ball and score” Hatfield who returned the favour with a crisp thru ball, with me following up and ripping the top corner of the net for the evenings best goal.

The blog version:

Dispossessed opposition and broke playing a ball out wide. Cut thru the middle and received a pass from Gary on the left, hit the ball side foot under the keeper.

Prefer my version"

Ulundi "I like to embelish" Makhanya

"You can't remember it?!!
Well, I can't really remember too much, but what I remember was....
...((feel free to add name, as I am not sure who)) took a shot from outside the area. Lundi, using his predatory skillz ghosted into the area unnoticed. With what was almost a sixth sense, Lundi knew where the ball was going to land before any of the defenders. He noticed the fear in their eyes as they all realised that the ball was going to drop to the oppositions most deadly finisher. Coolly, calmly and with a certain element of panache, Lundi placed the ball between the keepers legs for his opening goal (and closing) goal of the season.

I thank you!"

Gary "Feeder" Hatfield

"the defender was shilding the ball, so a flung a speculative foot at the ball, which somehow made the slightest contact with the ball, which then somehow, inexplainably crossed the line from an acutre angle"

i do believe the spelling is shielding and acute, and i don't think inexplainably is a word...? maybe unexplainably ?, thanks goodness i write this blog - Ed...(i have always wanted to be the Ed!!!)

Luke "Ginja Ninja" Hatfield

"With the scores still deadlocked @ 0-0, The Ginja & The Baby Rhino launched a 2 pronged attack against the lonely and helpless pixel defender, like a rabbit in the headlights he showed a moment of weakness, The Ginja had to decide dribble the defender and have a left footed shot or pass to The Baby Rhino on his dreaded left foot....he took the former, sold the defender like a packet of chips and toe poked past the on-rushing goalkeeper"

"Late in the 2nd half with the game wrapped up & Pixel Fusion leaving gaps at the back, B Dogg launched a monstrous throw-out over the head of the despairing defender, The Ginja Ninja & Baby Rhino were once again left to fight it out...The Ginja Ninja won once again, thumping a left footed volley past the helpless goalkeeper"

Thanks for the effort guys but you can now clearly see why i am the one who writes this, and not you!

The standings for Golden Skidmark are :

1) Luke "You not gonna catch me" Hatfield - 9
2) Gary "UK" Hatfield - 5
3) Dom "The Baby Rhino" Albrecht - 3
4) Peri "Left Foot" Zourides - 2
5) Peter "Retired" Dunias - 1
6) Bruce "The Matrix" Andersen - 1
7) Ricky "Allisons Brother" Arnold - 1
8) Rhys "Rice" Davies -1
9) Ulundi "I scored before Richard at least" Makhanya -1
10)Richard "The token beat me" Kenny - 1

Well done guys, i said 10 individual goalscorers last week and we did it.

Even B Dogg came close to scoring last night, hitting the post in the 1st half with an audacious outfield run and forcing the keeper into a save in the 2nd half!

For those of you who don't know Gary "Spanky G" Hatfield will be retiring from The Skidmarks @ the end of the current season to pursue his footballing career in Europe, specifically the UK.

Toetsins (how do u spell it??) Spanky G!

Speaking of Gary "I drive a girls car" Hatfield, anyone wanting to buy his car, Golf 4 Cabriolet - Silver, let him know on garyhatfield@gmail.com

In honour of Gary "What the f#ck are you wearing?" Hatfield, here are a few pics of him being him!





And last but certainly not least, a big shout out and R.I.P to Chris Uitzinger Snr who passed away on Tuesday 22 August 2006, aged 80 ! Keep it real Oupa and say hi to Ouma in heaven!!!

RESULT : Skidmarks 2 - 3 JR Design

What can you say, 2 defeats in a row, no wins in the past 3 games for the Mighty Skidmarks, it's all gone a bit pear-shaped for the boys in white & red.

What was built up as a bit of a grudge match for the past couple weeks turned out to be an intense but clean game, lots of good football on show, just without the result we had hoped for. I think we may have been slightly intimidated by the 2 professional players the opposition had drafted in for this game but all in all to lose 3-2 after being 3-0 isn't too bad and the opposition must have been very scared of The Skidmarks to feel the need to "load" their team for this particular game. So whilst we may not be winning the league this year, we still have a lot to be proud about because we played really well on Monday night.

The team was as follows :

1) Gary "Euro Trip" Hatfield
2) Luke "Birthday Boy" Hatfield
3) Dom "Fontana" Albrecht
4) Rhys "Rice" Davies
5) Peri "England 4-0 Greece" Zourides
6) Ulundi "BEE" Makhanya
7) Jonathan "Roast Chicken" Hancock
8) Brendan "Spitroast" McNiven

The goals were scored by your very own Ginja Ninja & on his debut for the Skidmarks....Rhys "The Lawnmower" Davies! (although he looked more like a bulldozer when he ran through for that goal!)

As i said, we were 3-0 early in the 2nd half and managed to claw our way back to 3-2 and had enough chances to sneak the equaliser but the ball was like Gary @ a gay club......not wanting to go in :)

"But again, good performance, we played well and can hold our heads high" - Ginja Ninja 2006

Thanks to our supporters for their almost 100% support for the game :) i won't point any fingers......Ernie!

Have some fantastic videos to post....just need to get my finger out my arse and put them up....watch this space!

Standings for the Golden Skidmark :
1) Luke "Ginja Ninja" Hatfield - 7
2) Gary "Jack Nicholson" Hatfield - 4
3) Peter "There is more where that came from" Dunias - 1
4) Bruce "The Matrix" Andersen - 1
5) Dom "The Baby Rhino" Albrecht - 1
6) Peri "Left Foot" Zourides - 1
7) Ricky "Allisons Brother" Arnold - 1
8) Rhys "Rice" Davies -1

8 individual goalscorers? that must be some kind of record? and Lundi & B Dogg still need to open their account for the season. That is the aim for the season i think, get 10 different goalscorers? Lundi - try the toe poke, it works for me....

RESULT : Skidmarks 4 - 5 Samba Boys

Yes, you read it right, somehow we managed to lose what really should have been a walk in the park for us. Maybe complacency set in, but we only have ourselves to blame. Letting the opposition get 3 goals ahead of us in the first half was our first mistake and even though we managed to pull the scores back to 4-4, all the Samba Boys needed was a goal in the last couple of minutes which they got to condemn us to our first defeat of the season.

This will be a slightly sombre post which is all that can be expected with a result & performance like we had on Monday night.

Team for the game was as follows :

1) Ricky "Allisons Brother" Arnold
2) Gary "One Trick" Hatfield
3) Ulundi "Cash Machine" Makhanya
4) Luke "Toe Poke" Hatfield
5) Peri "Left Foot" Zourides
6) Brendan "I got a new tattoo & a new puppy" McNiven
7) Peter "I also got a new puppy" Dunias
8) Bruce "what can i put here?" Andersen

The scorers of our 4 goals were as follows :

Luke "Toe Poke" Hatfield (2)
Peri "Left Foot" Zourides (1)
Ricky "Allisons Brother" Arnold (1)

Which means the Golden Skidmark stands like this :

1) Luke "Ginja Ninja" Hatfield - 6
2) Gary "Jack Nicholson" Hatfield - 4
3) Peter "There is more where that came from" Dunias - 1
4) Bruce "The Matrix" Andersen - 1
5) Dom "The Baby Rhino" Albrecht - 1
6) Peri "Left Foot" Zourides - 1
7) Ricky "Allisons Brother" Arnold - 1

This weeks fixture is vs JR Design @ 20:45 . . . it is going to be one helluva tough match but if we play like we have in previous weeks we can beat them...if we play like we did last week...we'll get punished like a red-headed stepchild.

Ok so, because i was as amusing as a fart in an elevator today, here a couple cartoons to lighten the mood!

FIXTURE : 07 August 2006 @ 20:45 - The Skidmarks vs Samba Boys

Please see next weeks fixture above. Hopefully the weather will be warmer on Monday although according to recent history, Skidmarks function better in the cold than The Samba Boys. We need to punish them like runaway slaves ©

Then my thought for the week was....this weather right....it last snowed in the Jhb area in 1981 and whilst there wasn't a lot of snow that fell this week, some definately did fall. So that got me thinking, what could the catalyst for this event have been ? What natural phenomenon occurred recently that could have triggered this event....and then it came too me.....Peter "Put your back into it" Dunias "scored" a goal.....yes that must be it.....coincidence, i think not!

It's like that movie Final Destination, Peter "The Greek" Dunias messed with fate and the course of life on earth as we know it and thus Mother Nature has reacted accordingly. I was thinking of going to the press with this story but the only problem is, is that some scouts will probably come watch us play then and The Greek will probably get tapped up and go play for another team....so let's just leave it between us shall we ?

Ok, so I was in Cape Town last week doing some work right and we also all know about Ulundi "Bill Gates" Makhanya getting his drivers license and car etc. etc. Now we all know about BEE and stuff in this country but Lundi must be doing bladdy well for himself because at the V & A Waterfront he appears to have his very own parking garage.



Yes you heard correct, whilst it is hard to believe Lundi has so much cash (especially seeing as though he delayed payment of last weeks game by a week....) I thought the only way to prove myself was to take some pictures....and here are the results. So Ulundi "Rockafella" Makhanya, drinks are on you next week!

Thanks Gary "Fat Bum" Hatfield for the "Who let the bloggs out" line.....you too can have your line featured...just click here : lahatfield@gmail.com

RESULT : Skidmarks 2 - 2 Screaming Weasels

It was definately a night of mixed emotions last night, the disappointment of dropping 2 points in a game we really should have won and then the absolute elation and ecstasy of witnessing Peter "The Greek" Dunias "scoring" his first goal...i will explain the reason i say "scoring" a little later!

The team for last night was :
1) Dom "The Baby Rhino" Albrecht
2) Ulundi "Tata Ma Chance, Tata Ma Indica" Makhanya
3) Gary "Party in his pants" Hatfield
4) Luke "That ref was a *%$@#@&" Hatfield
5) Peri "P" Zourides
6) Ricky "Stoke City" Arnold
7) Brendan "3 on 1" McNiven
8) Peter "Praise the Lord, Hallelujah!!!! he finally scored" Dunias

We were a little short this week with The Ginja Ninja's hamstring playing up and the loss of Bruce but we brought in the more than capable Rickyi "Stoke City" Arnold for this game. Thanks for the referral Allison "Ching Ching" Arnold!

We got off to a good start with The Baby Rhino slightly losing control of the ball in the box - who would have thought The Baby Rhino's first touch doing that :) - but the ball fell invitingly to Gary on the edge of the area who thumped the ball emphatically into the net - 1-0. We kept pressurising the opposition but as is always the case their goalkeeper was in superb form.

The referee then suffered his first moment of madness when he awarded the opposition a penalty for a supposed 2 on 1 tackle when the Ninja had failed to clear the ball from the corner. Very dubious decision....Screaming Weasels converted the penalty to make the scores 1-1.

Thats the way it stayed till half time, 2nd half we continued the pressure but their goalkeeper was like Fat Bastard in goals with nothing getting past him. Then somehow the ref missed a 2 on 1 tackle on the Baby Rhino deep in our half and from that the opposition managed to lob B Dogg to put them 2-1 up.

We again began pummeling the goal but to no avail until.....we received a decision in our favour for a change, a free kick about 3 metres outside the area with about 3 minutes left to play. There was a lot of jostling going on in the area and The Ginja Ninja decided the customary toe-poke at goal was called for, the shot was on target but was covered by the goalkeeper BUT Peter "Put your back into it" Dunias sneezed or tripped into the path of the ball, which deflected off his back and into the top corner....hence the term "scored"!!! 2-2

We had chances to win on the closing stages and because we were pushing up so much, we were left exposed at the back and with 20 seconds to play the Weasels broke with 3 players and just lonely little B Dogg in goals. Somehow he pulled off 2 incredible point blank saves and recovered the ball in time for the ref to blow the full time whistle!

Golden Skidmark is as below :

1) Luke "Ginja Ninja" Hatfield - 4
2) Gary "Jack Nicholson" Hatfield - 4
3) Peter "There is more where that came from" Dunias - 1
4) Bruce "The Matrix" Andersen - 1
5) Dom "The Baby Rhino" Albrecht - 1

The ironic thing is, is that my next poll was gonna be "Will The Greek ever score a goal ?" - guess that one is settled.

Here is the log exculding last nights game, as u can see, the teams to beat as per usual will be Village Idiots and Euro Utd! Gotta keep that goal difference up guys!



Will post next weeks fixture shortly, again i remind you we are going to have to be doing some "shuffling" in the coming weeks to accomodate all players so don't go home and gas yourself if you get "rested" for a week :)

Watch this space for some pictures of Lundi's garage now that he has his drivers and well as the real Super-Chop!

Scotty doesn't blog ©

Good Monday morning and welcome to another dreadful week of work ahead...well except for the Trolls and the Ernies of this world who pretend to study for a living.......

Anyway, big game tonight versus the Screaming Weasels aka Oceans 9 at 7:15, we are missing a couple of players tonight in the form of The Matrix - Bruce and possibly The Ginja Ninja too but we have some quality replacements who should do the job for us.

We were out this weekend at Monte and I decided to have a go on one of those dance machines...i thought if my feet are so quick on the football field, what with all the stepovers, pirouettes and shibobos....i couldn't be bad at it...and i wasn't wrong...check it out

Ginger McQuickFeet

Well think of The Skidmarks tonight at 7:15...

© = Suggested by a reader of the blog and according to publishing rules must get a mention, suggested by "The Big Easy"

FIXTURE : 31 July 2006 @ 19:15 - The Skidmarks vs The Screaming Weasels

Next week we are playing Screaming Weasels aka Oceans 9 who annihilated the Samba Boys 12-1 this past week so could be a tough game.

Will be sending out the SMS's shortly.

In the meantime here are a couple video clips for you to enjoy at your leisure :

Lundi in the new MTV ad

The girls in our office having a laugh

Wedding Montage

http://www.treets.co.za/downloads/theworm.avi

Hope the worm comes out OK, u gotta turn ure head sideways tho!!!

RESULT : Skidmarks 9 - 1 Ryan

A very good opening to the season for The Skidmarks, this being our championship chasing season we know our goal difference is going to be important, so no more relaxing when the game is won, we need to punish teams like red-headed stepchildren! and boy did we punish Ryan, he looked a bit tired towards the end of the game but so would u if u played by yourself *

*=sarcasm

Well done to our sister team Distillery for beating Cheebah Hawks 7-2....never did like them much.

Team of the day :
1) Luke "The Dangler" Hatfield
2) Gary "Party in my pants" Hatfield
3) Dom "Left my shooting boots @ home" Albrecht
4) Brendan "Puma party next weekend" McNiven
5) Peter "Roy of the Rovers" Dunias
6) Ulundi "Mad skillz" Makhanya
7) Peri "Greek God" Zourides
8) Bruce "Not playing next week" Andersen

Despite a slight bit of drizzle 5 minutes before kickoff, our supporters were unwavering and cheered us on to this impressive victory!

Supporters of the day :

1) Allison "Marks Park" Arnold
2) Niki "Unapproachable" Manning
3) Rhys "The Lawnmower" Davies
4) Jonathan "Barney" Hancock
5) Micheal "Irish" Nesbitt
6) Richard "Splinter" Kenny

Thanks guys for the support it is much appreciated! Except u Irish, u were just downright rude!

The Skidmarks applied the pressure from the get go with Ryan unable to get the ball out of his....their half. The early pressure told when The Ginja Ninja broke down the middle with Gary "Fat Bum" Hatfield to his right, the ball was rolled into Garys path and his shot was deflected to The Ninja to tap into an empty net...1-0. The second goal was a team effort with Fat Bum picking the ball up in the corner, laying the ball to Bruce who in turn rolled the ball back to The Ninja who crackerlackerjacked it into the top corner....2-0.....the 3rd goal was another break down the middle by the Ninja who again laid the ball to Fat Bum who slotted the ball cooly past the keeper this time...3-0. Although we were playing some awesome passing and running football we got a bit lax at the back and allowed Ryan to pull a goal back....3-1. The 4th goal was another break down the middle by the Ninja with Dom "I have a new job" Albrecht to his left and Fat Bum again lurking on the right....but with Dom drawing the one remaining defender towards him The Ninja got stingy....his mishit shot tho somehow found its way through the legs of the shit....i mean unlucky goalkeeper...hattrick....4-1.....Dom "The ball hated me" Albrecht missed an open goal with his left foot before redeeming himself to somehow poke the ball in from an almost impossible angle to make the score an impressive 5-1 @ halftime.

The 2nd half is a bit of a blur but i will try talk you through the goals cos i know thats why u r reading this, not for the pictures, videos and generally witty comments *.

Spanky G / Fat Bum / Party in his pants got his 2nd goal like this....in his own words :

"the defender porned it, due to incredible pressure from Spanky G, who then ran through and hit an unstoppable drive low past the keeper"

6-1

Shortly after that he completed his hattrick when he hit a rather tame shot to the near post which the "unlucky" goalkeeper - with his rather trendy Breyton Paulse like afro - fumbled into the net....7-1

Bruce then got into the act of scoring of being the provider for most of the game when the ball was crossed to him low and hard and he side footed the ball past the helpless goalkeeper...8-1

But wait, we weren't finished, The Ninja broke down the left cut the ball onto his right foot and fired a speculative shot into the near post which the goalkeeper really should have done better with....but didn't.....9-1

So a solid good start to the season by The Skidmarks, with our default 5-0 victory last week, we should be sitting pretty near the top of the league.

The Golden Skidmark stands like this at the moment :

1) Luke "Bandages" Hatfield - 4
2) Gary "Jack Nicholson" Hatfield - 3
3) Bruce "The Matrix" Andersen - 1
4) Dom "No left foot" Albrecht - 1

Will post next weeks fixture shortly and i am sure our loyal readers can't wait for a video so that will also come up with the next post.

Keep it real, keep it fun....and keep it brown!

Apologies :

The Skidmarks blog has signed a code of conduct, blah blah blah blah, as you know we feature various comments, some original, some "borrowed", we will endeavour to give credit where credit is due blahdee blahdee blah!

In last weeks blog posting i used the phrase "Orange Sherbert ©" - to describe Mike "The Ultimate Man" Herb.... thanks Niki "Unapproachable" Manning for the suggestion...round of applause please !

And thanks for the help on titles for my blog from various sources, if u have any ideas for the blog, titles, pictures/videos to post feel free to mail me : lahatfield@gmail.com

I have a few goodies, just waiting for the write time....you see what i did there...write...right...ja i thought it was funny too!

FIXTURE : 24 July 2006 @ 20:00 - The Skidmarks vs Ryan

The fixture for next week is @ 20:00 vs Ryan....I am not sure who Ryan is but he must be quite good if he is playing in the league all by himself, so lets not underestimate him! I'll send out the SMS' shortly but again if you don't receive an SMS this week then i will try include you the following week, gotta try a bit a squad rotation me thinks.

Time for some spot the difference, 10 points to whoever can tell which is which below :

Jump in my car

Alright, this clip is about 6.5 MB big but PLEASE do yourself a favor and download it, it is the video for the Hoffs latest attempt at pop glory! it could be the funniest thing you have ever seen :)

Fair enough to him for at least jumping on the bandwagon and taking the piss out of himself!

Please download me

Starving Pensioners got scared!

Well well well....i am guessing that the Starving Pensioners have been reading up on the Skidmarks because they got a little bit scared last night and cancelled the game! a bit disappointing as it was the first game of the season, the lads were keen and Lundi was going to get his much anticipated game...but we will take the 5-0 victory with a heavy heart and look forward to next week. As far as the Golden Skidmark goes, i think we should give the 5 goals to Peter "Can't Score" Dunias as even with a 5 goal headstart we should still be able to overtake him !

Will post the fixture for next week up shortly! in the meantime here are some rather interesting pic we schnapped on Saturday night....exschuse the pun :)

Oh and a clip of Stu doing what Stu does best!

Click Here