Mid Week amusement

check out the piccies of Borat promoting his new movie! sporting the latest in Kazakstani swimming costumes! i reckon Bryan "Vin Diesel" Theunissen would look good in a pair of those!

I won't lie, with that thing riding his ass like that i am sure he would qualify to play for The Skidmarks!!!




Thanks Fernando "Del Torro" Policarpo and Ulundi "The Token" Makhanya for sending some nice video clips for you to check out..see below :

Ferns Clip

The Tokens Clip

RESULT : Skidmarks 6 - 1 Screaming Weasels aka Oceans 9

A very good result considering our humiliating defeat last week, bouncing back in the traditional Skidmarks way by teaching those "Weasels" a lesson.

It was a bitterly cold May night......but despite this we were out of the blocks quickly, testing the goalkeeper twice in quick succession. About 5 minutes in we took a deserved lead after Mike "Gerbert" Herb laid the ball across the face of the goal for The Ginja Ninja to poke the ball in the the top of the net with the outside of his foot. Gary who also happened to be wearing the worst beanie of the evening (it looked like something that came out of Mandoza's wardrobe)- squandered a chance to double the scoreline after Herbert had been felled by the aggresive goalkeeper. Shortly after, he made amends by catching the goalkeeper going on a run, neatly controlled the ball with the outside of his bum and volleyed emphatically in the empty net. A slight blip in defence allowed the Weasels to narrow the deficite to 2-1 but Gary soon extended our lead to 3-1 with a neat finish past the goalkeeper. We came flying out of the blocks in the second half with The Ginja Ninja latching onto a perfect through ball from Mike "Ronaldinho" Herbert which cut the defence better than Pamela Anderson's plastic surgeon to make the score 4-1, and the score was quickly extended to 5-1 when The Ginja Ninja completed his hat trick after his initial solo run and shot was blocked by the keeper, he was able to poke the ball into the unguarded net. Dom "Lone Ranger" Albrecht missed a glaring open goal with his left foot but redeemed himself by following up the mis-hit with a thomping left footed volley to make the score 6-1 half way into the second half. This was how the game stayed until the final whistle.

Next weeks game is vs. La Campagnola at 19:15, if you read this and are able to play, feel free to email me @ ginjaninja@hattrickhero.co.za ..... oh no wait, that was the dream i had last night...u have my address... otherwise i will be sending out the usual SMS.

The team for the game was :
1) Gary "I have an ugly beanie" Hatfield
2) Luke "Hat trick hero" Hatfield
3) Dom "Lone Ranger" Albrecht
4) Mike "Ronaldinho" Herb
5) Brendan "Shvollllaaa" McNiven
6) Bruce "Waltzing Matilda" Anderson
7) Mike "Middlesborough" Lyndon
8) Peri "Red Beanie" Zourides

Here are the standings for the Golden Skidmark Award :
1) Gary - 5
2) Luke - 4
3) Dom - 4
4) Barney - 3
5) Bruce -1

Joke of the Day :

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers.

Nicholas Cage, Steven Segal, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present. Spielberg strongly desired the box office oomph of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they would portray, as long as they were very famous.

"Well," started Cage, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Beethoven has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano" said Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segal.
"I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid."
Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

So Arnold says........

"I'll be Bach."

Pic of the day:

This is Ronalidnho...going down...shortly before Arsenal went down!!!! Enjoy Keith & Faye :)

World cup rules for the ladies to understand

Extremely important advice and recommendations to be passed on to wives, girlfriends, fiancés, mothers, sisters, daughters, etc. (to all women in general). These rules are to be communicated prior to the World Cup in June/July this year...

List Of Rules:
1. >From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor... it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, its only a game", or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go, b) I will not go, and c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this... why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch??", the reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, English Premiership, Premier Soccer League, Vodacom Challenge, The Spectacular, SAA Super 8, Coca-Cola Cup, ABSA CUP, Mvela Golden League Play-Offs, Zimbabwe National Premier League, etc. etc.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Introducing Skidmarks...Fantasy League!

Hey Skidrmarks,

If you keen to join the Skidmarks Fantasy League on the FA Premier League website then go to this address and sign up. Once you have registered and created your team then simply use the details below to join our league. I will also be uploading league details for the fantasy league on the Fifa World Cup site a little later.

Enjoy!

http://fpli.premierleague.com/

League Code : 108180-21135

OK the link to the Official World Cup site league is :

http://en.fifaworldcup.fantasysports.yahoo.com/ff

The League code is : 8774

and password is : thereason

FIXTURE : Skidmarks vs.Screaming Weasels- 22 May 2006

Hey,

Our next fixture is Monday 22/05 @ 20:45.

We suffered an abysmal defeat at the hand of JSE...8-5...which all but ends our title charge for another season. Brendan "B Dogg" McNiven admitted not having his best game and Gary "Hatfield" Hatfield can obviously not play properly without his younger, talented, skillful brother the Ginja Ninja! I don't have the scorers so can't update the Golden Skidmark award standings, however the team was as follows :

1) Gary "Older than Luke" Hatfield (Captain for the day)
2) Dom "German goalkeepers r crap" Albrecht
3) Brendan "I played so badly" McNiven
4) Lundi "I need a lift" Makhanya
5) Barney "I play in takkies" Hancock
6) Peri "Berbatov" Zourides
7) Bruce "Sheila" Anderson
8) Mike "I don't shave" Lyndon

Will be sending out the official invites to the exclusive Skidmarks fantasy league ... league on Monday so watch this space!

Fixture : Skidmarks vs JSE 15 May 2006 - 20:45

Next fixture is vs JSE @ 20 :45 on Monday 15 May.

The Ginja Ninja will not be there for the game but please remember we HAVE TO win and HAVE TO get lots of goals!!! iPods won 11-0 on Monday night so we are quite behind on the goal difference!

Pity Peter "The Greek" Dunias is out cos u can always rely on him for goals.

BTW "Happy Birthday" for yesterday Greek!

Updated League Table :

World Cup Fixtures

on the back of the england world cup announcement which shows that Sven Sven Sven Goran Eriksson obviously still has some allegiance to Sveden, here's a neat little link i found on the Microsoft site. it will stick all the fixtures for the World Cup into your Outlook calendar.

it will keep u busier than gary at a kiddies party!

http://www.myboutlook.com/office2003/uk.asp

Thai Midgets Kickboxing

Awesome clip of Thai Midget boxing, this is how Gary would have looked against that big oke from Starving Pensioners whose Mom "spanked him"...apparently....

MidgetThaiBoxing

Video Clip

Thanks Fred for the clip, nice footy themed clip of how David Beckham could learn how to tackle from some of the older English Legends players !!! Maybe then we can win the World Cup!!!

Download Me

FIXTURE : Skidmarks vs. GES Underdogs - 8 May 2006 19:15

Next fixture is against GES Underdogs @ 19:15...not sure what is happening with the game because as far as i know these guys haven't played either of the first 2 games of the season so will keep you posted if the game is cancelled or anything.

Here are the current league standings :



Joke of the day : Gary "scared of dogs" Hatfield

Some interesting video footage of Gary to follow shortly......

RESULT : Skidmarks 3-3 Apple iPods

Well we'll take the point but to be honest we deserved all 3....pity the ref was so pissed he thought he saw a hand growing out of Bruce's shoulder!!!

Nonetheless we played pretty well, took an early 2-0 lead through myself and Barnabus....then Gary and the Rhino got sold like packets of chips to make the score 2-1 at half time. Then a cracker of a toe-poked free kick from Gary (must have been watching me all these years) restored our 2 goal lead. That didn't last very long as a crucial, terrible decision went against us, with Bruce on the floor, the ball rebounded off the wall onto his shoulder and the clearly drunk referee gave iPods a lifeline when they slotted the penalty home. We kept probbing away and really should have put the game out of reach by the time the iPods struck a brilliant 3rd goal to tie up the scores which is how it ended.

The team for the game was :
1) Gary "Scared of Dogs" Hatfield
2) Luke "Ginja Ninja" Hatfield
3) Dom "Baby Rhino" Albrecht
4) Mike "Sherbert Herbert" Herb
5) Brendan "Friend of the Old Guy" McNiven
6) Bruce "No Nickname" Anderson
7) Mike "No Nickname" Lyndon
8) Jonathan "Darren Fletcher" Hancock

Here are the standings for the Golden Skidmark Award :
1) Barney - 3
2) Dom - 2
3) Gary - 2
4) Luke - 1

As you will notice there is a distinct lack of nickname for Bruce & Mike....please post any suggestions in the comments section below.