RESULT : Skidmarks 5-2 Screaming Weasels

Hey Ladies & Girls,

What do you know, another victory for the Mighty Mighty Skidmarks!!! and against a normally tought opposition. Please see match report below as submitted by Peri "Wilbur Smith" Zourides, I will post some England news & pictures at the end.

"Well another successful game without the “step over” and the “nipple ring”. 5 – 2 over Screaming weasels.

Dom and I were abit worried about possibly not making numbers for the game but thankfully the old skidmark faithful pulled it thru for us.

Team as follows:

Dom” my chest is bigger than yours” Albrecht
Peri “I took my dump at home” Zourides
Mike “I’m still with my girlfriend” Lyndon
Bruce “Around the keeper” Andersen
Ulundi “I go to work in slops” Makhanya
Peter “my gold chain is heavy” Denias
Brendan “got sunburnt on my off day” McNiven

Our first half performance was probably the best half of footy we’ve played (ever). Fluid movement, crisp passing, quick 1 – 2’s, good defending and no fighting.

Things were started off with what can only be described as either sublime skill or pure luck that the moon was in the correct alignment with mars, venus and Lundi’s Uranus. With the ball at his feet on the edge of the area, lundi shimmied abit, shaked abit and then proceed to curl the ball around his defender, past the keeper and into the top left corner. Ala Ronaldinho vs Chelsea, Stamford Bridge.

(editors note) in the second half yours truly maneuvered out of the corner and deftly lobbed the ball over a defenders head bouncing just right for lundi to volley home another skidmark goal. He blasted over the net. Hence the reasoning for the 1st goal and the alignment of the planets.

Back to the action at hand.

In summary Bruce “the matrix” Andersen finished off them weasels almost single handedly, scoring 3 before half time to make it 4 -0 to skidmarks at the break and then adding his 4th to complete the victory.

Some Matrix highlights:

With a touch that Theirry Henry would be proud of the Greek lays the ball off to Bruce to hammer low and hard for our 2nd goal.
After receiving a free kick for a foul on the baby rhino, matrix steps up to pile drive a free kick into the top right hand corner. (2nd editors note: Dom’s participation in this move should not be under estimated as his sheer presence was enough to distract the defending teams players into not even looking at Bruce, who fired the ball within millimeters of doms face, possibly scraping his ear)
After dispossessing a weasel Bruce was set free and 1 on 1 with the keeper rounded him like a lesbian avoiding Brad Pitt
Cant remember exactly the build up to the final goal, but once again the deft touch of the Greek (or a completely scuffed shot), setup Bruce for his 4th our final goal.

The weasel’s goals were both fortuitous.

Goal 1 bounced of Brendan’s shoulder, hit the under side of the post and the cross bar, suspiciously landed on or near the line and was awarded.

Not sure how the ref managed to see that cause I was closer than him and didn’t see it. Think he felt abit sorry cause we were all over them, either that or its because he shaves his legs.

Goal 2: ball was lofted into our area and with Brendan advancing out of his goal, one of them weasels flicked his heel at the ball with his back to goal and it trickled over the line.

Our score could have been increases after we were awarded a penalty (“ref how is that a penalty?” said the man lying on floor after using his hands to push it away)

Well yours truly stepped up only to have bar/post halt his skidmark goal glory. Upon closer inspection the framework was still rattling at the end of the game due to the sheer velocity of the strike, maybe next week.

So things looking good, some tough games coming up but hopefully we can continue the good form.

Until next week, or whenever I get some more porn."

Golden Skidmarks stands like this @ present :

1. Bruce "Told you he would win the Golden Skidmark" Andersen - 5
2. Dom "Scarface" Albrecht - 2
3. Richard "Zeus" Kenny - 2
4. Luke "There's only 1 Ginja Ninja" Hatfield - 1
5. Peri "Roald Dahl" Zourides - 1
6. Ulundi "Ronaldinho/vice - captain" Makhanya

Well i started my job yesterday, so i was only unemployed in the UK for 6 days which is OK, and my rands are starting to run as dry as Garys sense of humour.....

This weekend saw us visiting our dear Grandmama in the thriving metropolis that is Halifax!

We managed to find a "Cane Train" to ride on, its name was Ivor, see pics below...choo chooo :




Hope you enjoyed those, we managed to get our first bit of footy under our belts since we got here, tonight. We practiced with a team called Lancing Old Boys Football Club and should hopefully be turning out for them in a match on Saturday, will keep you informed. The worst bit is.....wait for it...their captain "Billy" is a ginger.....and his friggin' nickname - which i add was on his shirt - is Ginja Ninja, spelt the same and everything...I can't believe that people in England have heard of me? I was really flabbergasted, i even asked him if he read about me on the blog and he looked at me all weird? So he must have just heard about me through word of mouth....

RESULT : Skidmarks 6-3 Ryan

Okie Dokie then, this is Ginj Ninj here....and with me being in the land of the pasty....yes i am pasty too i know that....they didn't even need to check my passport when i got here, they saw the white skin and the ginger and said "Welcome home", then i fell to my knees and kissed the floor...it was a beautiful moment!

Anyway as i was saying, Skidmarks played there first game under the new joint management regime of Dom "Watch out for that massive Peri" Albrecht and Peri "Some joke about poo" Zourides and am glad to say they got off to a successful start! well done boys! Please see the match report courtesy of Peri below :

"Morning housefields, so albeit for me to take over the blog responsibilities you’ll be pleased to know that the joint management venture of Dom and Peri as care taker managers/players of the Skidmarks, we got off to a winning start.

Ryan weren’t the greatest team but a wins a win. As expected everyone ventured forward leaving me at the back like a young school child at after care waiting for their parents. We fell behind 2-0 after lost possession on each occasion cost us, but we fought back with 2 goals in 2 min to level things up. Just before halftime fell 3-2.

2nd half was much better as ppl realized their roles and helped out on defence, we equalized with what may have been the most fortuities goal of the season or the most skilled. Richard “I took a dump before the game” Kenny burst into the area firing a shot that bounced off the wall/post only to have it rebound head height and Richard to acrobatically header home. If he tried it 100 times he may score it again twice ,if the bounce is right. So 3-3 and there after it was pretty easy, final score was 6-3 as they started tired and gave the ball away.

Brendan came the closest to scoring I think he ever has, breaking the length of the field only to have the post stop his glory, he did setup 1 of the goals though leaving his area and setting up Dom if I remember correctly.

My pursuit of the golden skidmark also got off to a start with me dispossessing a defender and firing low and hard for our 6th goal. (Peri, u only mention 3 goals in the blog post? what about every1 else....amateurs...tut tut - Ginja)

So we survived our first game without fat bum and ginja, the Greek took over the role of the slow step over from Gary, Bruce took over the “ill run into the corner and shoot every time role” from luke.

Oh and in true skidmarks fashion here is the team sheet:

Brendan “watch your step coussie” Mcniven
Peter”I should pay half cause im unfit” Denias
Ulundi “I still don’t have my own shirt” Makhanya
Dom “peri has a hard head” Albrecht
Peri “I took a dump at home” Zourides
Richard “how did I score that header” Kenny
Bruce “I can clean your pool” Andersen

Absent from the game was:

Mike “dom, listen I know its late but I have to break up with my girlfriend tonight” Lyndon

By the way Mmbambo have been dropped, my friend Nuno who runs the venue is entering a team in their place so we going to play 1 extra game at the end of the season to make up for the lost one.

Well gotta head back to work, im sure u guys are doing your best not embarrass South Africans anymore, luke keep your shirt for the first few months.

Oh by the way dom loved his plastic flower, said he was going to hang it out his window, brendan was excited in a odd way to get that horse slapper thing, greek kept trying to spank him with it so maybe there’s a sub plot there."

Thanks Peri, not too bad if i do say so myself, i did some research and found out the other goalscorers and thus, here is the Golden Skidmark standings :

1. Dom "Scarface" Albrecht - 2
2. Richard "How the f#ck can he be joint top G.S" Kenny - 2
3. Luke "Need a game of footie " Hatfield - 1
4. Peri "Wilbur Smith" Zourides - 1
5. Bruce "My pick for G.S" Andersen - 1

So thats all the Skidmarks news for now, as for Gary and I, well its lovely and overcast here as usual, Gary is working now, me I am just chilling for the moment, weighing up my options but should be startin something in the next week or so. Haven't managed to organise a game of football yet but am making a plan :) Here's a pic from the balcony of my sisters flat this morning.



Went to see this comedian Russel Peters on Sunday night, we were part of the 2% of white people there.....charo's making up the balance! check out a clip of his below!
Russel Peters

Check you on the flipside

In the middle of the night....i go walking in my blog...

Hello everyone! Unfortunately this will be the last Skidmarks related post for awhile as The Ginja Ninja has officially played his last game for the Skidmarks (but has not ruled out a return in the distant future). The Skidmarks have been taken over by a massive German consortium called The Baby Rhino Corporation and it believed that as the Germans have no sense of humour, the blog shall not be continued. I will try re-use the blog to keep to posted about the news from the brothers Hatfield in the town of London. As you know Gary has been there for a month nearly including 10 days in Tenerife, please see pictures below....

The Skidmarks did enter a pre-season tournament before the season officially began....we performed rather well qualifying for the last 16 by winning 2 games and drawing 1. Ginja Ninja getting 2 goals and Mike "The Doctor" Gerrard the other one...unfortunately Barney was injured 5 minutes into the 1st game and could no longer take part in the tournament. Even though he told us he would be back as soon as he got some stitches....see pic below...

We were knocked out 1-0 in the last 16,rather unluckily if i do say so myself. However it was a good warm-up for our season.

RESULT : THE MIGHTY SKIDMARKS 1 -1 il forca

We were pitted against old time rivals Il Forca aka Moaning little porra's in our first game...it was a tight game which finished 1-1. There was a lot of niggly tackles by the porra's which resultes in 3 sin bins for them, we however could not punish them for their indiscretions, Luke "Ginja Ninja" Hatfield got the goal with a penalty (toe poked i might add)

This weeks game was unfortunately called off due to Mbambo being a bunch a scared little girls, we did play a friendly against Euro Utd, beating them 13-1 with goals from Dom "Baby Rhino" Albrecht(4),Ginja Ninja (3),Bruce "Singles" Andersen(3),Mike "Middlesborugh" Lyndon (1),1 X Own goals....and yes u NEVER guessed it Peter "Pele" Dunias getting his second goal in the colours of the Skidmarks (Red & White are the colour by the way).

I would say "he couldn't miss" after Dom squared him the ball and he was half a metre out with an open goal....but he has done it before....and to round it off it was the opening goal of the game...well done Greek!

Next weeks fixture is vs Ryan at 18:30....Dom will be organising the team from now on....good luck and always remember, keep it real, keep it brown!