Captures the trials and tribulations of the world famous Skidmarks 5-a-side team

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Scotty doesn't blog ©

Good Monday morning and welcome to another dreadful week of work ahead...well except for the Trolls and the Ernies of this world who pretend to study for a living.......

Anyway, big game tonight versus the Screaming Weasels aka Oceans 9 at 7:15, we are missing a couple of players tonight in the form of The Matrix - Bruce and possibly The Ginja Ninja too but we have some quality replacements who should do the job for us.

We were out this weekend at Monte and I decided to have a go on one of those dance machines...i thought if my feet are so quick on the football field, what with all the stepovers, pirouettes and shibobos....i couldn't be bad at it...and i wasn't wrong...check it out

Ginger McQuickFeet

Well think of The Skidmarks tonight at 7:15...

© = Suggested by a reader of the blog and according to publishing rules must get a mention, suggested by "The Big Easy"

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

FIXTURE : 31 July 2006 @ 19:15 - The Skidmarks vs The Screaming Weasels

Next week we are playing Screaming Weasels aka Oceans 9 who annihilated the Samba Boys 12-1 this past week so could be a tough game.

Will be sending out the SMS's shortly.

In the meantime here are a couple video clips for you to enjoy at your leisure :

Lundi in the new MTV ad

The girls in our office having a laugh

Wedding Montage

http://www.treets.co.za/downloads/theworm.avi

Hope the worm comes out OK, u gotta turn ure head sideways tho!!!

RESULT : Skidmarks 9 - 1 Ryan

A very good opening to the season for The Skidmarks, this being our championship chasing season we know our goal difference is going to be important, so no more relaxing when the game is won, we need to punish teams like red-headed stepchildren! and boy did we punish Ryan, he looked a bit tired towards the end of the game but so would u if u played by yourself *

*=sarcasm

Well done to our sister team Distillery for beating Cheebah Hawks 7-2....never did like them much.

Team of the day :
1) Luke "The Dangler" Hatfield
2) Gary "Party in my pants" Hatfield
3) Dom "Left my shooting boots @ home" Albrecht
4) Brendan "Puma party next weekend" McNiven
5) Peter "Roy of the Rovers" Dunias
6) Ulundi "Mad skillz" Makhanya
7) Peri "Greek God" Zourides
8) Bruce "Not playing next week" Andersen

Despite a slight bit of drizzle 5 minutes before kickoff, our supporters were unwavering and cheered us on to this impressive victory!

Supporters of the day :

1) Allison "Marks Park" Arnold
2) Niki "Unapproachable" Manning
3) Rhys "The Lawnmower" Davies
4) Jonathan "Barney" Hancock
5) Micheal "Irish" Nesbitt
6) Richard "Splinter" Kenny

Thanks guys for the support it is much appreciated! Except u Irish, u were just downright rude!

The Skidmarks applied the pressure from the get go with Ryan unable to get the ball out of his....their half. The early pressure told when The Ginja Ninja broke down the middle with Gary "Fat Bum" Hatfield to his right, the ball was rolled into Garys path and his shot was deflected to The Ninja to tap into an empty net...1-0. The second goal was a team effort with Fat Bum picking the ball up in the corner, laying the ball to Bruce who in turn rolled the ball back to The Ninja who crackerlackerjacked it into the top corner....2-0.....the 3rd goal was another break down the middle by the Ninja who again laid the ball to Fat Bum who slotted the ball cooly past the keeper this time...3-0. Although we were playing some awesome passing and running football we got a bit lax at the back and allowed Ryan to pull a goal back....3-1. The 4th goal was another break down the middle by the Ninja with Dom "I have a new job" Albrecht to his left and Fat Bum again lurking on the right....but with Dom drawing the one remaining defender towards him The Ninja got stingy....his mishit shot tho somehow found its way through the legs of the shit....i mean unlucky goalkeeper...hattrick....4-1.....Dom "The ball hated me" Albrecht missed an open goal with his left foot before redeeming himself to somehow poke the ball in from an almost impossible angle to make the score an impressive 5-1 @ halftime.

The 2nd half is a bit of a blur but i will try talk you through the goals cos i know thats why u r reading this, not for the pictures, videos and generally witty comments *.

Spanky G / Fat Bum / Party in his pants got his 2nd goal like this....in his own words :

"the defender porned it, due to incredible pressure from Spanky G, who then ran through and hit an unstoppable drive low past the keeper"

6-1

Shortly after that he completed his hattrick when he hit a rather tame shot to the near post which the "unlucky" goalkeeper - with his rather trendy Breyton Paulse like afro - fumbled into the net....7-1

Bruce then got into the act of scoring of being the provider for most of the game when the ball was crossed to him low and hard and he side footed the ball past the helpless goalkeeper...8-1

But wait, we weren't finished, The Ninja broke down the left cut the ball onto his right foot and fired a speculative shot into the near post which the goalkeeper really should have done better with....but didn't.....9-1

So a solid good start to the season by The Skidmarks, with our default 5-0 victory last week, we should be sitting pretty near the top of the league.

The Golden Skidmark stands like this at the moment :

1) Luke "Bandages" Hatfield - 4
2) Gary "Jack Nicholson" Hatfield - 3
3) Bruce "The Matrix" Andersen - 1
4) Dom "No left foot" Albrecht - 1

Will post next weeks fixture shortly and i am sure our loyal readers can't wait for a video so that will also come up with the next post.

Keep it real, keep it fun....and keep it brown!

Apologies :

The Skidmarks blog has signed a code of conduct, blah blah blah blah, as you know we feature various comments, some original, some "borrowed", we will endeavour to give credit where credit is due blahdee blahdee blah!

In last weeks blog posting i used the phrase "Orange Sherbert ©" - to describe Mike "The Ultimate Man" Herb.... thanks Niki "Unapproachable" Manning for the suggestion...round of applause please !

And thanks for the help on titles for my blog from various sources, if u have any ideas for the blog, titles, pictures/videos to post feel free to mail me : lahatfield@gmail.com

I have a few goodies, just waiting for the write time....you see what i did there...write...right...ja i thought it was funny too!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

FIXTURE : 24 July 2006 @ 20:00 - The Skidmarks vs Ryan

The fixture for next week is @ 20:00 vs Ryan....I am not sure who Ryan is but he must be quite good if he is playing in the league all by himself, so lets not underestimate him! I'll send out the SMS' shortly but again if you don't receive an SMS this week then i will try include you the following week, gotta try a bit a squad rotation me thinks.

Time for some spot the difference, 10 points to whoever can tell which is which below :



Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Jump in my car

Alright, this clip is about 6.5 MB big but PLEASE do yourself a favor and download it, it is the video for the Hoffs latest attempt at pop glory! it could be the funniest thing you have ever seen :)

Fair enough to him for at least jumping on the bandwagon and taking the piss out of himself!

Please download me

Monday, July 17, 2006

Starving Pensioners got scared!

Well well well....i am guessing that the Starving Pensioners have been reading up on the Skidmarks because they got a little bit scared last night and cancelled the game! a bit disappointing as it was the first game of the season, the lads were keen and Lundi was going to get his much anticipated game...but we will take the 5-0 victory with a heavy heart and look forward to next week. As far as the Golden Skidmark goes, i think we should give the 5 goals to Peter "Can't Score" Dunias as even with a 5 goal headstart we should still be able to overtake him !

Will post the fixture for next week up shortly! in the meantime here are some rather interesting pic we schnapped on Saturday night....exschuse the pun :)

Oh and a clip of Stu doing what Stu does best!

Click Here


FIXTURE : Skidmarks vs. The Starving Pensioners - 17 July 2006

Well a repeat of the first fixture of last season which we won and without Gary "Fat Bum" Hatfield tuning anybodys mothers!!!

Kick off is 19:15 and don't forget to look your best tonight as we will be taking the official team photograph to appear on this blog....your chance to become famous guys...(not Peri cos he is already famous, but i definately see the blog as more appealing than various billboards,magazine and television spots around the country)

JSE & Apple iPods have been promoted to the top league and we have a couple new teams in our league, good job we didn't finish second after all last season otherwise tonight would be a bit more of a challenge. I won't lie though, this must be our season, for too long have we finished second, for too long have we been so close...yet so far....for TOO LONG have we made excuses....for TOO LONG we have not had 17 bare-breasted ladies supporting us ....... erm....sorry got a bit carried away! had a bit of a braveheart moment!

it is time for the Skidmarks to be crowned league champions!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Skidmarks World Cup Fantasy League results

Well the world cup is over and so is the fantasy league . . . for now. . . but be sure to join up for The Skidmarks Premiership fantasy league (see details below). Well done again to Gary "Jack Nicholson" Hatfield for another fantasy league victory and also to Richard "Fred" Kenny in 2nd place and the unlikely Sarveshan "Leisure Suit Larry" Naidoo in an impressive 3rd place!

No prizes for you but you get a hearty well done from the Ginja Ninja!

See league table below :

Now in the spirit of all things World Cup although it is indeed now over. Mike "The German" Herbert is german as we all know....even though he missed the Germany vs Argentina game...here is a pic of Mike wearing his lederhosen before the Germany vs Italy game last Tuesday...i do believe i have a pic of the other german, Dom, somewhere in lederhosen...now i just need to find it....

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Fantasy Premier League

Hey everybody!

if you want to enter The Skidmarks Annual Fantasy League competition then go to the address below :

http://fantasy.premierleague.com/

The code to join our league is : 64566-14841

As usual Gary "Mr Fantasy League" Hatfield will win this year but the rest of us can fight it out for 2nd place!

Monday, July 10, 2006

a word for our sponsor....

i am sure u guys all recognise Lundi "The Token" Makhanya....now seeing as though it is regulation in the 5-a-side league to have 1/8 BEE i thought it necessary to introduce you to our official BEE partner. As much as Lundi has asked to be respected in his own right as an individual and more importantly as a footballer we cannot change his nickname from "The Token" or "BEE"....as much as he has asked me to do so.HOWEVER, if you guys disagree with my opinion, you are more than happy to post your suggestions in the comments section below. Congratulations to Lundi for passing his drivers and getting a car so now he doesn't have to try understand what is being said to him on the taxi's every morning (he's british BTW). Anyway enough of The Token stealing the limelight, The Skidmarks will be back in action next Monday, fixtures have not been announced yet but i will let you know when i know. We have quite a few players biding for their places in the squad so obviously the longer you have been a Skidmark, the more chance you have of cracking the nod.

Here is our squad for the upcoming season(in no particular order) :

  1. Dom "Golden Skidmark" Albrecht ( & first name on the teamsheet)
  2. Gary "One Trick" Hatfield
  3. Luke "Captain Fantastic" Hatfield
  4. Bruce "Matrix" Anderson
  5. Brendan "Taco's" McNiven
  6. Mike "still nothing" Lyndon
  7. Peri "MTN" Zourides
  8. Glen "Mr Reliable" Johnstone
  9. Lundi "The Token" Makhanya
  10. Peter "couldn't score in a brothel" Dunias
  11. Mike "Orange Herbert" Herb
  12. Jonathan "Barney" Hancock

If i have missed anyone.....

Cry me a river!!!

so much for "FIFA Fair Play"

Can you believe FIFA still awarded him the Golden Ball for the tournament.....Rooney gets a 2 match ban and Zizou gets an award.... and i thought the Swiss were supposed to be neutral!

check out this link : http://tonaz.altervista.org/zidane.html

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Super...............chop!!!!!!!

These pictures don't really need any introduction....with the new Superman movie being released at the mo'...Ladies & Gentleman.... without further adieu... i give you.....SUPER-CHOP!!!!


Romeo Romeo....wherefore Blog thou Romeo!

Hallo Hallo!

Have a couple nice pics to share with the world, thanks B Dogg for this awesome pic of someone i like to call "The Greek God".....our very own celebrity....Peri "MTN" Zourides!!!

B Dogg took this pic driving into the airport in Port Elizabeth...i knew u got around Peri but this......

Large and in charge hey Peri!!!






And then i was casually walking through Northgate the other day...minding my own when i bumped into Mr. Herb...or Pappa as i like to call him...i nearly didn't recognise him without his lederhosen on but i am sure it was him!





As for the poll...it is currently standing at 54% - Yes Rooney deserved a red card and 46% for No.... Fern "Greasy Porra" Policarpo....i know it was you voting lots of times!!!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Poll

Come on France!!!

Good day ladies!

Long time no type! Hope you Skidmarks out there aren’t having withdrawal symptoms from 5-a-side but the World Cup should be keeping you company for now…hands up who dislikes those dirty dirty Porro’s(except you Fern, u r a hot bitch) or to be more precise Christiano Ronaldo!!!

I cannot wait until Wayne Rooney – and I quote – “breaks him in two”…either him or Stevey G is bound to do it sooner or later, hopefully they’ll do a Roy Keane ala Alfe Inge Haaland...see pic >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Yes we English and us Hatfields are bad losers but lets be honest here, that was never a red card…in fact I feel a poll coming on(fern u can only vote once)…when has anyone been sent of for “pushing” a player on the arm…and when I say “push” I mean he pushed him about as hard as a marshmallow!

And as usual Ronaldo was there trying to get Rooney sent of for a “stamp”, the only reason Carvalho got his crown jewels damaged was because he was busy fouling Rooney, and Rooney tried to stay on his feet, unlike Ronaldo who would have been rolling round on the floor as if shot by a sniper in the crowd! I hope Ronaldo stays at Man U and Ruud “The Horse” Van Nistelrooy and Wayne “Street Fighter” Rooney tag team him in training.

Enough about that then, come on France I suppose, we could always support the Germans but then again…..”2 World Wars and 1 World Cup”….”My granddad shot your granddad…doo daa doo daaa”(sorry Dom and Herbert…Damn y do we have so many foreigners in our team, we are like Arsenal), but I do like the way the germans play. As long as neither of the greasy diving teams get into the final I am as happy as a puppy at suppertime.

Here is a clip of our impromptu game of “possession football’ at the Engen near Hartebeespoort … and we won…those petrol attendants didn’t know what had hit them, what with Gary “Super fast stepover” Hatfield, Mike “Pirouette” Sarakis, Graeme “My rib is f@cked” Arsenal and Luke “Mad Skillz” Hatfield…..Stuart “Lion Walk” Loftus didn’t contribute much….”Lion Walk” with be explained in a future episode!

Footy Lesson

And Mike "I dance like a girl" Sarakis

Dance like a lady

Dance like a lady part 2

Dance like a lady part 3